When parents get old

My entire life I saw my parents as hard-core, indestructible people who can do anything, know everything, and will be around for ever. 

About 5 years ago a friend lost a parent.  He was about my dad's age and lived an active lifestyle.  She, too, thought he was invincible.  It was then that I let myself consider the fact that my parents will die and that I will have to deal with that.  It was then that I realized that I needed to learn to accept the facts of life in order to better cope with an inevitable future.

Since then I see each year as a gift.  While I don't get to see my parents often because of where I live in Cuba and where they live (Dominican Republic).  I know, seems traveling between the two places should not be an issue but it is. Any travel in and out of the island (the base) requires several people, signed papers and true planning in case the one flight going my way is cancelled.

My mom (actually she's my step-mom) has Alzheimer's disease, my dad has type 2 diabetes. She doesn't remember much and he has to take care of her. I know this has to be exhausting for him and she doesn't really remember much.  I feel useless.  What can I do from here? Even the Internet is pointless if I don't have some type of lead.  How do you find that trusting visiting maid or nurse to come over weekly? What if she needs specialized care or needs to live in a home? What can I do?

This is a source of stress for me.  I think about them daily, I call them often and I pray that somehow they will be OK.  For now they are doing fine.  I dread the day when I get a call telling me I have to travel due to family Emergency. 

I will continue to call, write, and visit when I can.  I just want them to know how much I love them.  I want them to be there for them and they know that I would if we could.

In my heart, my parents will always be undefeated!

XOXO Mami y Papi :-) Los quiero mucho.

Really missing my honey :-(

"I Love You"

When my husband travels for one or two weeks at a time I don't usually fret about it.  I miss him but not so much that I feel the need to write or talk about it.  I am one of the guilty military wives crazy enough to admit that I do like it when he travels for short periods of time.  Not only does it give us a little space and time to miss each other but I also get a little break from the old routine (cooking, laundry, his favorite TV shows).

This last week he had to go back to the states, except this time he left stressed and he was traveling due to a family emergency.  He had to help his brother and that is most definitely important. However, I felt he was already gone the week before so I was ready for him to go and be physically there, getting answers.

This time I felt a real separation.  He left with nothing but his brother on his mind, didn't even know school was starting soon and didn't call to ask the girls how that was coming along.  Didn't call to ask how we were doing or if the baby was doing well.  I felt resentment, I felt selfish for thinking he should call and remember all these things.  I felt guilty for thinking he should be able to handle both, the urgency back home and the routine here on the island.  I thought he should be able to turn off the emotional concerns and stress being brought on by the events surrounding his brother and his parents and focus on HIS family just for a little bit.  I was afraid that his coming home would mean he would still have his mind there and not here.

I realized, this morning, that aside from the fact that I'm feeling a little more hormonal than usual this week, I have also been holding everything inside. Not crying, not being upset, not allowing myself to get stressed and not talking to anyone who might make me feel less then happy.  I continued my routine at the gym, the kids, the chores and to-do's of the day and stayed strong because after all, I have to be strong for my kids and for my husband...someone has to.

I finally let it all go today.  I broke down and cried, told my husband how I felt and how sorry I was for feeling the way I did and thinking what I thought about him.  I am not usually one to hold things in because I know that those things will make me unhappy and cranky.  It's pointless to worry from the inside out without doing anything to change the situation.  

So now I'm back to being me.  Realizing that my husband is not worried about his wife, kids, home because he knows I am strong and will take care of everyone.  On this mission he should only have to worry and think about his brother who needs him.  If he were to call everyday I might be offended that he didn't trust me.  Instead I am proud to have him in my life and happy that he trust me enough to not worry about what's happening here at home.  I am so glad I can provide him with that much sanity when things go crazy elsewhere!

He's on his way home and feeling great.  He is leaving his brother in good hands and in better shape then when he first arrived.  I'm glad I wasn't a source of stress for him,  I love him and I miss him, that's all!

~Terie

Vacation 2010- part 1

After living in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba for the last seven months, I can honestly say that I am truly enjoying this vacation.  I wasn't sure how much I was going to have staying at a beach house since where I live I'm practically at a beach house everyday, but this is different.  We have a different family dynamics here with aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents and kids from 3 to 70+.  It has been amazing.  Fantastic week for everyone.  I can't wait to share pictures as soon as I get home because I forgot my camera cord so I can't download on the go.

Virginia Beach, at least the Sandbridge area, is really beautiful and not over crowded at all.  We've been exercising on the beach, going for long walks, battling the waves and sometimes just hanging out and visiting or playing games.  This is one time I wish we were staying longer so we could do more of the same but as the end draws near I know we have to get psyched up to go back or no, to go forward and resume our life in Cuba.  We do enjoy everything about where we live and we love the people and great friends we've made and thank goodness because that would make not having a Target close by dreadful..ugh!

I will be back to share pictures next week.  For now I will do my best to enjoy the last few days with family and friends.

Yes, Life Is Good! But only if you allow it to be!