Really missing my honey :-(

"I Love You"

When my husband travels for one or two weeks at a time I don't usually fret about it.  I miss him but not so much that I feel the need to write or talk about it.  I am one of the guilty military wives crazy enough to admit that I do like it when he travels for short periods of time.  Not only does it give us a little space and time to miss each other but I also get a little break from the old routine (cooking, laundry, his favorite TV shows).

This last week he had to go back to the states, except this time he left stressed and he was traveling due to a family emergency.  He had to help his brother and that is most definitely important. However, I felt he was already gone the week before so I was ready for him to go and be physically there, getting answers.

This time I felt a real separation.  He left with nothing but his brother on his mind, didn't even know school was starting soon and didn't call to ask the girls how that was coming along.  Didn't call to ask how we were doing or if the baby was doing well.  I felt resentment, I felt selfish for thinking he should call and remember all these things.  I felt guilty for thinking he should be able to handle both, the urgency back home and the routine here on the island.  I thought he should be able to turn off the emotional concerns and stress being brought on by the events surrounding his brother and his parents and focus on HIS family just for a little bit.  I was afraid that his coming home would mean he would still have his mind there and not here.

I realized, this morning, that aside from the fact that I'm feeling a little more hormonal than usual this week, I have also been holding everything inside. Not crying, not being upset, not allowing myself to get stressed and not talking to anyone who might make me feel less then happy.  I continued my routine at the gym, the kids, the chores and to-do's of the day and stayed strong because after all, I have to be strong for my kids and for my husband...someone has to.

I finally let it all go today.  I broke down and cried, told my husband how I felt and how sorry I was for feeling the way I did and thinking what I thought about him.  I am not usually one to hold things in because I know that those things will make me unhappy and cranky.  It's pointless to worry from the inside out without doing anything to change the situation.  

So now I'm back to being me.  Realizing that my husband is not worried about his wife, kids, home because he knows I am strong and will take care of everyone.  On this mission he should only have to worry and think about his brother who needs him.  If he were to call everyday I might be offended that he didn't trust me.  Instead I am proud to have him in my life and happy that he trust me enough to not worry about what's happening here at home.  I am so glad I can provide him with that much sanity when things go crazy elsewhere!

He's on his way home and feeling great.  He is leaving his brother in good hands and in better shape then when he first arrived.  I'm glad I wasn't a source of stress for him,  I love him and I miss him, that's all!

~Terie

Sunday Morning Reflections

Photo by Jim Hunter

I must have been really tired last night because I layed down on the couch to watch TV with my husband who was watching  at 1968 movie called "Funny Girl" with Barbara Streisand.  I was rather enjoying the show, I love musicals and I love old movies, well movies that are at least as old as me or older.  Anyway, within minutes I was asleep.  The rule is that if I'm so exausted that I fall asleep on the couch no one should wake me, just let me sleep.  So they did.  This morning I woke up early but I felt fully rested.  I felt great.

I grabbed some green tea and took a walk in my back yard, reflecting on my little flowers that were beginning to bloom, watching the little birds eating from the bird house, the sun wasn't even fully out yet but it was light out and the air felt so good--a little cool but with clear signs that it would not be for long.  

The I started thinking about my kids, each one with his or her own personality, funny moments, smiles, the sloppy kisses, the hugs.  Even though we know those frustrating angry moments exist, I could not bring myself to think of them, only the love and affection they always gave me and Daddy.

Something about this morning just made me reflect on my life, how lucky I am to have such healthy kids, how lucky I am to have a man who has stood by be and married me twice in the last 20 years, how lucky I am to have what I have, and how I thank GOD for giving me the frienships, the love, and the gift of life to share with everyone in my life.

I have to say that early morning peace is most therapeutic for me.  Me and my green tea will have to do this more often.  I feel great!  Have a great Sunday everyone.

By the way, I want you all to visit Lance at The Jungle of Life because his last post has a fantastic message.  Enjoy.

My idea of heaven!

I forgot I created this little video on RockYou literally 2 days after the baby was born and 1 day before my husband was leaving for Iraq. It was so bitter sweet but I did what I had to do. Had the baby, baptized him, and with the help of my older kids, we had an awesome Thanksgiving Dinner on November 18th--the next day, at 6:00 am, he left. I felt so lonely even in the company of my kids. Soon that faded as I had to be strong for all the kids, but particularly for this little bundle of joy who needed me.

The husband is now back, the baby is 19 months, still I feel that same bitter-sweet feeling I felt the day we took these pictures and created this slide show.

I love that we're back together again. This is heaven!