She left my nest

My first born girl left the nest for the first time last August, when we dropped her off at school and she disappeared into the crowd.  We were confused because all the new kids went into the auditorium and the parents went through some other door to sit and listen to the multiple welcome speeches that followed. Then the kids were dismissed into group sessions and parents were just dismissed. WOW! Don't I get a hug good bye :-(

We texted each other. She was so happy and we were so proud of her and happy that she was happy.  But a little sad too.  After all, she was the second out our four kids to leave the nest.  On the bright side, I know she's safe and happy.

Our little Em has challenged my patience and had me questioning my parenting skills.  I think that's supposed to happen at some point in our lives with at least one of our kids... I have four.

But most important she has managed to make us laugh when we least wanted to laugh. She's a natural artist with a smile that makes everyone smile back.  She loves funny movies, sitcoms, and good books. She has a big heart and a genuine love for those around her. When she makes a friend, she's a friend for life.

I have to admit that it was a lot harder dropping her off this year as she begins her second year of college. She spent her summer at home, worked three jobs, spent quality time with her dad and siblings, met up with some friends, and occasionally forced me to watch her favorite shows because she thought we needed to laugh together. Yes, in the end I did.

Now we are settling into our new home, getting the second set of kids adjusted back in school and really missing both our older kids as they make their new lives without mom and dad.  Well, physically, trust me, they both call or text enough to stay very active in our lives... THAT is something a truly treasure!

Can't wait to see what this year brings! We will be seeing them both again soon and spending more quality time with our first two treasures.  I can't wait! Love my Em and I really, really miss being forced to watch funny shows or listen to her retelling that last book she read.

A great weekend is just ahead!!

Heart aches of a mom

Today I woke up with really mixed up feelings about a lot of things.  First off I wondered if I hurt anyone's feelings this week.  My circle of friends is important to me and the last thing I want to do is hurt them but sometimes we protect our heart so much that it is inevitable to hurt others, unknowingly.  If I did, I hope they'll forgive me, my heart is a little achy these days.  I'll explain why.

I recall how I felt a few years ago when my eldest child, my son, graduated High School.  Not only did I have to turn him lose into a brave new world but I was also leaving the country and losing my ability to be there for the occasional hug, lunch, movie, visits home, and the all too common, mom here's my laundry during school breaks.  Family members got to that instead and while I'm grateful, I am also saddened because it wasn't me.

I have helped in so many ways and I know he appreciates every thing and every penny but it's just not the same as being able to physically visit and give him a hug when he needs one.

This week he moved out of the dorm and into his own apartment, which he shares with a couple of students from school.  A huge move but he did it all on his own, with a little guidance from mom and dad.  Again, living in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba has offered a lot of different things to do and a different lifestyle but it has stripped me of the ability to get up and go hug my kid.  My husband service to our country is certainly full of surprises.  But it is this service, his and mine, that helped my son become so well rounded and brave.  Leaving his comfort zone is scary but not an issue and I am proud of him for taking this huge step.

Still here I sit in the only gated Navy Housing community in the world, surrounded by the most beautiful coral reefs, amazing view of the bay, great friends, a supporting husband and three other children to mold and still my heart aches for the one I can't reach. I'll be fine and he will too but I wont deny myself the occasional sadness or tears that come when I miss my children.

For now I guess I'll have to settle for the occasional phone call, email, and instant messages and he'll have to get my hugs in the way of gifts for his new place, like food.  I know he'll make the right choices so I have already arranged for him to visit his local Farmers Market and Trader Joe's to pick up the foods we used to enjoy together before the big move.

Can't wait to see you this summer Josh! You are doing a great job! You will be fine, as will I.

On the college trail

Oberlin Conservatory, OH

Westminster Choir College, Rider University, NJ

James Madison University, VA

Oh my gosh, I though we would never stop traveling.  I feel like the whole month of February has come and gone and it's only the 19th.  We decided that, since I'm the control freak (so they say), that I would go with our oldest son, the Musician, on his college interviews and auditions.  In a way, I thought, this is great for me I  only have to worry about one child and he's a grown up now or "an adult" according to the law, yeah, whatever!  

Turns out there was a lot of driving, traffic, snow, long train rides, sleepless nights, and emotional stuff going on during this time.  I never had a chance to just let go. I had to be strong for him - it's what mom's do- when he felt he did poorly and needed a shoulder to let it all just go.  Well, the shoulder was there but he didn't let anything go, not to me anyway. 

I found out recently how much he felt like a failure like he would never make it and how much anxiety he had about auditioning live in front of judges and a camera.  Oh well, I was there to listen and advice but I'm also a parent, I apparently don't get it because in "my day" things were different.  Huh, I thought emotions were around "way back then." Guess I was wrong again.  Oh well, some day he'll grow up and then I'll start to be right in his eyes, or not.

Now we're done with all the college stuff and the anxiety is placed on that letter we're supposed to get stating that he is accepted into that school and even better would be if the letter told him that he will be awarded a scholarship to help pay for his education - now that would be a sweet thing.

For now, I'm glad we're done with the driving; well I'm done with the driving, he's still as driven and ambitions as ever to become the best at what he loves to do most, vocal performance.  My heart just sinks at the thought that my little boy, my first born is on his way to college.  I don't feel old enough for this --OK sometimes I do feel it but time seems to have slipped on by.

I have three more sweeties to enjoy and eventually, hopefully, go on future college trails to get them on the right track to a great future.  I have a long time before the nest is empty.  Now I'm off to take a little break while baby sleeps.  Hot yerba-mate tea sound yummy right about now!

Ciao!!

College education...for mom!

Many, many, many years ago I decided to go back to school and get my college degree. This decision goes back to before I had kids (my oldest is now 17) so you do the math. Anyway, it seems like its taking a lifetime to get this degree but then what else have I got to do...have children, raise children, move around the country, pack and unpack the entire house, work, stay in shape..nothing to do, might as well go back to school.

I figured I could at least take classes since getting a good job was proving to be nearly impossible. It seems that moving every 18 to 24 months was not enough time to get that awesome job. Plus I really wanted to stay home with my kids for a little more than just six weeks after birth this time. Anyway, I went back to school taking one course here, one there, skipping semesters to have my kids and going back when I could. For a while my job paid for my education, when that ended because of another military move, I had to resort to my own cash, financial aid, etc. I, however, did not want to give up on my dream so I kept going and doing what I could to take classes.

Well now I am down to the last classes, most of which are electives. I have been a part time student at the University of Maryland University College for a while and I am really enjoying this online schooling thing, except for the mountains of reading I have to do, much more than live classes. I don't have a choice, I have to go online so I sacrifice some sleep time and take advantage of nap times to get my reading and my work done. So far I'm doing pretty good.

My major is in Social Studies with a minor in Humanities. Unlike most who get this degree and go to work as a social worker or counselor, I am not leaning in that direction. I'm still leaning towards the health and fitness industry. I love teaching people about fitness, nutrition, wellness which is why I am an AFAA certified trainer. I do love watching the faces of those who experience the benefit of a good workout.

The Spring semester is now over and I somehow I was able to get a B in both my Gerontology and Linguistic Anthropology classes. Now I'm in the second week of the summer semester taking another Humanities class called "The Religious Quest: Cross Cultural Explorations of Human Beliefs." So far it is a very interesting class but requires a lot of reading. I just hope I can keep up with the reading and the written reports they demand in a compressed class.

I can see what I'll be doing in my early mornings--reading, reading, reading!!!