Let me explain this mess because I think right about now my Spanish to English mental translation is getting the better of me.
I have a good friend who is the most organized person I have ever met. Everything has a place, not a speck of dirt anywhere, laundry always done and put away, dishes always done, etc... I often wished I could be more like her. I even tried to be more like her. I was exhausted by the end of the week and felt like a slave to my home and a maid to my children. I'm not saying that she is any of these things but whatever she's doing, she has been doing for a long time and therefore this is not a struggle for or a job. For me it wasn't just a change in how I handled daily chores, it was the constant need to change myself, my way of thinking and seeing life through the eyes of another person. I could not understand at the time, why I couldn't keep up the way she did, but soon I gave up the idea and went back to doing what I knew.
There was another time that I envied my cousin's hair. We come from the same family line but she has what some in my family call "good hair" and I did not. That just meant that someone should have taken the time learn and then teach me how to manage my own tresses. I think this is where it all began. People comparing me to my peers formed a person who felt inferior to others either because of looks, abilities or possessions. Thankfully, I educated myself and learned quite a bit about people, behavior, personalities and how to avoid going down a path of self destruction.
I've learned that the grass is really always greener on the other side. I remember people would say that to me and I never really knew how to translate that to make any sense to me. My brain was always thinking "I grew up in the city, we didn't have much grass to talk about" or "what grass?" Anyway, I figured it out, eventually.
Everybody has their issues. Everybody wants something they can't have. No one is completely happy all the time. But most of us learn to deal with our issues, we learn to be OK with the want and content with what we have, and most important, we learn to strive to be happy and make others happy 100% of the time.
I am content with what I have, what I have accomplished and most of all, with the family that I can call my own. I could not ask for a better husband (yes, there are times that I do ask for the impossible), I have beautiful, healthy, intelligent kids (let me brag, they're mine, all mine) and while I do admire what others have, how well they keep their home, and how easy it is for them to excel in their area of talent, I can honestly say that I am happy to be who I am today. Life would be so boring if we were always getting what we wanted.
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, you just might find,
You get what you need! (Rolling Stones)
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